Just like the joke goes*, it's Saint Patrick's Day and we really did get patio furniture. We had to travel to two different Targets this weekend to find what we were looking for: a love seat glider plus ottoman. Here it is, weatherproof and everything. Doesn't it look simply lovely? Since stores nowadays don't actually trust you to be able to get the thing you're purchasing, we looked around the outdoor furniture section, looking fora Target team member, but apparently the humanity-reducing plague struck there first, because there were none to be found. (Brandi and I are robots, and therefore immune. Thanks for asking.) We then made the mistake of going to the front of the store, where we found a cluster of red-shirted Target team members and one slightly-less-red-shirted, harried Target team member. This turned out to be a manager who, when we asked about the lovely outdoor love seat, grew irate that nobody was on call in the section we had come from, then grew more irate that the item we wanted was out of stock in the store room. He apologized profusely, after reaming out his underlings over his headset, and offered us two alternate Targets.
On a whim, we headed to the northernmost Target, at Logan and Elston, in part because we were already driving that way to avoid the drunken spectacle following the parade on Michigan Avenue and Lake Shore Drive. At first, it seemed like they didn't have it there, either, as the team member we approached began using stockroom lingo that fooled nobody (and certainly not two intelligent, virus-immune robots). "It's a ghost," he said into his walkie talkie. Then, following another search, the love seat was found, sans ottoman, which would have to come from the warehouse. It was a shock to find out that Target stores are that large and yet much of the inventory must come from a warehouse EVEN LARGER THAN THAT. Did we want to come back? (No, not really.) Wait. It would only take ten minutes or so. Did we want to wait? (Yes, okay...)
When we brought the box out to the car, we knew we would have another problem. The team member who helped us (our fifth or sixth of the day; apparently, buying furniture, like raising a child, takes a village) thought we could just shove it in the back of our Scion xA, but, having moved 12,544 metric tons of stuff in that car, I knew exactly what would and would not fit. Also, as Brandi pointed out, the box was clearly larger than the opening. Still, he thought it worth a try. No go. So we pulled the love seat out of the box, and, lo and behold, everything fit.
I told our helper, "Give that box to a kid who wants to build a fort." Probably, it got crushed. Hopefully, it was empty.
We are finally ready to celebrate spring in style.
* Classic ComedySportz groaner.
Ref: "Hey, Mr. Voice, how are you tonight?"
Mr. Voice: "Oh, I'm okay. There's this Irish guy on my porch who won't leave."
Ref: "Oh, really, who?"
Mr. Voice: "Patty O' Irish Stereotype."
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