It's that time of the year again, when my haircut has grown past all bounds of respectability, and yet I continue to ignore it for another week because I don't work or live near a hair cuttery and I'm too busy to find one. Sigh. Most days I like being a mammal. I don't grow torpid in cold weather. Hot weather makes me sweat instead of, I don't know, die. And while I cannot personally lactate, I can in theory make kids who could, and help out in their live birth by encouraging my wife to breathe. The fur part bugs me, though. As you can see from how tall my hair gets when it grows out, I could easily replace it with a crest of feathers, or an especially nice bony protrusion to help me ward off intruding males. If possible, I would also like clear membranes to slide over my eyes when they get dry, so I don't have to blink.So while it would be a shame to have to give up my inner ear bones (what up, hammer, anvil and stirrup?), I might consider it a fair trade for not having to look like Eurotrash every time I forget and/or feel too lazy to scrape the front of my face with sharpened steel. Also, I wouldn't have to feel shame when I took a trip to the beach, and revealed testosterone's effect on my shoulders, which look like they're taking on the overflow of refugees in the resettlement from hairline to back.
People are gross.
2 comments:
Matt, your posts make me laugh.
I miss you guys.
When are you and Brandi coming to visit Portland?
Soon I hope.
Oh, Bob, I feel the same. The Stingerversary came and went and so many people talked about the encouragement you gave that team over the years. I was very proud of you, and of your fiancée, and of the people you brought together. But mostly, I missed you back.
I don't know when, but we do want to come out there. In other trip news, we're taking a much-needed break from hectic, still-cold Chicago to travel to Mexico for a week. It's going to be nice, I hope.
We still miss our friends. I read your blog every day. I'm happy to see your long form taking off, and Neutrino going well (despite the glitches; nice work on your cast improvising the last scene), and angry at the diabetes.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for stem cell research. But that's neither here nor there.
Thanks for checking up. I'm sorry we haven't been out there yet, but will raise it with the Brandi that we need to make it a priority.
Why are my responses always so long?
Take care, and miss you.
Matt
Post a Comment