Hi. I'm not sure if you're out there, especially after my especially long hiatus from web logging, but if you are, I would love your help.
I'm going to start a new entry for this blog called "World's Worst / World's Best". This is a joke. Not the fact that I am starting it; that is no laughing matter. "World's Worst / World's Best" will be like the classic short form game "World's Worst", except there will be only one player and two jokes. The first is what the world's worst BLANK will say in a given situation. The second is what the world's best BLANK would say. You supply the BLANK.
As a particularly lame example not to be confused with comedy, I offer the following:
World's Worst Banker:
"Interest rate? Well, I'd date you but I wouldn't take you home to mom."
World's Best
"I've taken the precaution of securing your money in my chest, next to my beating heart. Mint?"
If you are interested, please add a comment to the blog. I would prefer you add them to World's Worst / World's Best entries, but we're not exactly doing brisk traffic here, so I and my army of Larsenopoli will scour all comments for, say the next week. At least one will be chosen, the the person submitting given credit, especially for humoring me. I look forward to hearing from you.
4 comments:
Ah, a field I know so intimately, tech support.
World's Best: "OK, I've taken the liberty of coding you a custom executable file that will take care of several problems for you. Since your email is down, I've connected to you via TFTP, and the file should appear on your desktop right about... now."
World's Worst: "OK, I've taken the liberty of forwarding you a custom executable that someone coded for me that will handle your problem for you. Just run it as soon as it arrives in your inbox. No, I don't know who Mr. NEBURDICHAN is, but he used to work for the president of Nigeria, so he must be qualified, right? No, I don't know why it's asking for your credit card numbers, but you should probably go ahead and put them in. Ok. Ok. Yes... I think the smoke means that your computer is just working very hard fixing itself. No, I've never seen an error message that says 'So long, sucker!', before... you should probably just get a Mac. It *is* a Mac? Oh, well there's your problem. I hear a lot of those get infected with this "Unix" virus... Maybe you should get a Windows PC.
(And so on...)
My golly goodness, I think I've graduated to Eighth Level Computer User since I understood almost everything in the World's Worst post. Great work, Dave, and it's nice to hear from you. (Also, thanks for the email, which I replied to but got swallowed by one DAEMON or another. Really, it was all written on my Treo and I had to do a hard reset, for which I saw red. I *will* write back soon.)
Matt
I’ve got a best in the world for you.
When you are a three year old little girl the best socks in the world for bedtime are a pair of NASA ‘moon booties’ that your Daddy bought for you at his friend Matt’s Bachelor Party at Cape Canaveral.
I suppose the worst in the world is when said moon booties are in the wash and are not a choice.
A series of quickies, perhaps?
Best in humanity: "Let me get that for you."
Worst in humanity: "I'm going to get you for that.
Best recent geek moment: I got my new laptop at work!
Worst recent geek moment: It has a Sony battery. (You know, the ones that catch fire...)
Best auto mechanic: Fee? What fee?
Worst auto mechanic: Car? What car?
Best Pirate: Arr, me harties!
Worst Pirate: Me Heart! Me arteries! *thunk*
And that's all I have for now.
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